The Latest, Greatest Obama Scandal – UmbrellaGate

The Latest, Greatest Obama Scandal

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President Obama is now under fire for not one, not two, not even three, but FOUR scandals. By now, you’re probably familiar with Benghazi and the IRS bullying, and perhaps you’ve heard about the Associate Press scandal, but that’s pretty boring fare beyond the Beltway.

In the Heartland, however, average Americans are incensed about UmbrellaGate. Perhaps you haven’t heard the details yet – word in the Midwest is that Obama is so lowdown and dirty that he makes MARINES hold his umbrella for him, out of sheer spite. Can you believe his audacity?!? 

<Hyperventilates into brown paper bag>

“So what really happened?,” you may ask. On Thursday, President Obama and Turkish Prime Minister Erdogan held a joint press conference in the Rose Garden. It began to rain during the press conference, but they weren’t quite finished, and so – rather than allow the visiting diplomat to stand in the rain – Obama signaled for umbrellas for the Prime Minister and himself. Because of the diplomatic significance of this international event, two Marines held the umbrellas over President Obama and the Prime Minister while they concluded their business.

You might also ask, “Why were the Marines present at a press conference in the first place?” That is a fair question, and one that the New York Daily’s Dan Friedman explains admirably in Thursday’s “When Marines Hold Umbrellas”:

There are usually four Marines detailed to the White House at any given time. They volunteer for what is considered the exclusive duty. Their main duty is to act as (mostly ceremonial) guards outside the West Wing lobby, where they open and close the door for White House officials.

They work in 30-minute shifts for as long as the president is working in the West Wing, finishing when he retires to his private quarters. They are familiar sight to people who visit the White House and visible to tourists outside the gates on the Pennsylvania Avenue. They aim to be solemn an unflinching. Colleagues lauded a Marine who didn’t react when a Christmas tree feel next to him in 2006 as example for successors.

The Marines work while the President is at work in the West Wing, and finish he retires to his private quarters. Attending events like Obama’s Rose Garden presser with Erdogan Thursday is another part of the Marines’ duties.

Neither the White House press office, nor a Marine Corp spokesman, Capt. Gregg Wolf, could immediately cite another example of Marine’s holding up umbrellas for a president and visiting dignitary. But Wolf said it is “extremely rare.”

Well, that all sounds pretty legitimate, but much of Middle America – especially our conservatives – requires more evidence before absolving any Chief Executive accused of misconduct. They just need to see it with their own eyes. Thankfully, there is a 31-second video clip available for viewing on YouTube.

<Breathes big sigh of relief>

This doesn’t seem like much of a scandal, does it? Enter the right-wing spin that dominates discourse in the Heartland, and it becomes – without any shred of doubt or disbelief – a debacle on the grandest scale, one that confirms the long-simmering suspicions of many that our president secretly harbors some diabolical desire to grind the white man and his culture beneath his Socialist, Commie, Kenyan, Black Power-loving boots.

<Groans, reaches for the Rolaids>

Because I have an intelligent audience, whom I can trust to apply the appropriate critical frame of reference befitting a liberal, please find below several photographs and memes revolving around the UmbrellaGate “incident,” presented without comment.

Thanks for reading, and please, do enjoy the irony. 🙂

Corey McLaughlin

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